Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Amateurish Articulation from the Apartment of Awful Afflictions

It's official: we three Locketts are allergic to Switzerland.
















I was going to title this blog, 'Hope fades from the House of Ill Health' but Sapphire pointed out that we live in a rented apartment, not anything near as grand or large or solid as a house.

Ohhhhh, that's right, thanks for reminding me dear heart. For a mere four seconds I forgot that we were the ONLY family at her school who don't own a ski chalet, spend their summers in Florida or have handbags equalling Love Chunks' full monthly wage....

Speaking of whom, it's all his fault. Last Monday he started sniffing and ahem-ing a bit too often in front of the telly and by Wednesday was too achey, miserable and swollen about the head to go into work. The discernible heat emanating off him like an open grill and red puffy neck said it all - no World Meteorological Day participation for him. My plate of Anzac biscuits were left on the table, forlorn and forgotten. His Canadian, Chinese, Serbian and Pommy workmates would just have to wait until next year to sample those ground-breaking taste sensations.

Friday saw no improvement, except in the medicinal transportation arrangements from room to room. I gave him a plastic shopping bag (a rarity in these parts) and told him to use that as his wet tissue receptacle instead of leaving a pestilential trail of damp white splodges on the bedside table, sofa, kitchen bench and floor rugs. Shaking with fever on the sofa or constantly feeling like he was about to throw up surprisingly didn't add any drama or interest to the utter boredom and frustration of being stuck at home, feeling like pallid pigeon poo.

Dinner party plans scheduled for Saturday were duly cancelled. After all, who wants to see the chef coughing up a tonsil all over the roast pork? Worse still, who wants to see me, Front of House Who Can't Cook, try to make an entire meal that from scratch that is:

a) edible
b) socially acceptable to serve to non-members of the family; and
c) not burned, cold or collapsed due to my tendency to chat/show off/laugh/drink and forget about how magical it is when delicious food is served due to the hard work of my husband and not my hilarious anecdotes.

Never mind, it was Imi's 13th birthday on the Sunday and Sapphire and I planned to leave LC a quiet house to rest in as we joined her family for the Versoix Chocolate festival and a fondue lunch follow up.

Alas, no.

My old foe Mr Migraine knocked - no, clawed a bloody hole through my head with a post hole digger - insisting he be let in for his regular visit. Bugger; I'd forgotten all about our monthly appointment.

The marital bed, on a Saturday evening, is normally a pretty joyous place to be, but not this night. Poor Love Chunks' hacking cough cut through my pounding, protesting skull and it was a struggle to feel pity for what could only be his infected throat being shredded every time his lungs heaved and barked, and feeling as though Mr Migraine was laughing with glee at the freebie bonus of an unintentionally loud, phlegm-filled lover working alongside him.  No curtains and big glass windows provided the ideal environment for lasting and lengthy quadrophonic sound - Mr Migraine's job was doing itself!

So no chocolate, fondue, birthday cake, sunshine or socialising.

Sapphire wasn't too bothered because LC's Lurgy had finally caught her. Sneezing, wheezing and sighing could be heard from her room all night and when Mr Migraine finally decided to torture someone else, I creaked out of bed to see her pale face for a moment before it dashed into the toilet. Ah yes, bring it on - a big bout of flu with some vague gastro nausea thrown in: might as well get all orifices in on the action.....

Today LC is still home, struggling to clear his lungs and walk a step or two without doubling over to cough. The doctor has x-rayed his chest and with relief has said, "Thank god, it's just influenza but you're too ill to go to work for the rest of the week and maybe next," and Sapphire is lying in the bath resting after several days of nose blowing, painful joints and difficulty hearing through her puffy head.

Today too, LC's Lurgy finally got me in its evil, hate-filled headlock. Serves me right for chatting so smugly with Allan-and-Eva-from-Canada as they walked to the UN at the same time Milly and I headed to the park for squirrel spotting yesterday morning. "It must be all that walking you do," Eva beamed in approval.

Nope. My throat is pulsating to a different beat than my heart; my knees and back feel as though they're being boiled in water and Mr Migraine might have left some of his larger equipment to inflate inside my ear canal.

We'll all survive but god knows what the hell lessons we'll learn from it.


27 comments:

Anji said...

Sorry that you are all having such a dreadful time.

We always get vaccinated; Rob did have a mild spot of flu this year because the virus mutated.

Jenny Stark said...

Great post. Yes it is tough not only having your husband sick, BUT also not owning a ski chalet.
Sure your family has more fun.

Kath said...

That's what LC said only yesterday: "That's the LAST TIME I say I'm too busy to get a flu shot."

Actually, I think he was overseas at the time that work was offering them, but we'll all get them some how or some way next year.

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Bonjour Kath,

(Cough). I went to Geneva for a quick last minute upgrade at the airport (cough) a fortnight ago (cough) and now I have the beginnings (cough) of a (cough) cough. My (cough) head is starting to feel as if an overzealous taxidermist has tried to break the world (cough) record at stuffing cotton wool in my head (cough) and I now have a runny blocked up dose.

(Cough).

I think I must be allergic to Geneva too.

:-(

Cheers

PM

ropcorn said...

I hope you all feel better soon Kath. No fun being sick. :-(

Kath said...

Sorry to hear that, PlasMan. LC blames it on a Dutch colleague who, in turn, blames it on a Canadian chap. These germs like long distance air travel it seems.

Thanks Ropcorn. If LC and Sapphire are any indication, I've got a week of it to go....

Andrew said...

Clearly much worse than man flu. It really does sound like a flu that a vaccination might have prevented. While it may not feel like it, you will all feel well again one day.

Elisabeth said...

It sounds so dreadful Kath. Ill health seems to have been too frequent a visitor to you and yours, to my mind more so since you've lived abroad, but that might be my imagination.

Hopefully it'll clear up soon and leave you all stronger for it, which might sound a bit Pollyanna-ish, but what can we think otherwise? How else to be optimistic?

River said...

Re the cartoon: I think I'd prefer the coughdrop.
This is your first winter so I'm thinking by next winter you'll all be more accustomed to Swiss 'germs" and be more resilient. in the meantime do you have the equivalent of Glen20 or any form of bacterial wipes over there? Spray or wipe everything daily (twice even) at the first sniffle, not forgetting things like door knobs and toilet flush buttons that are touched numerous times. One bright thing is you've all got this more or less at once so it will all be over in about ten days instead of being stretched out over say six weeks. Keep up your fluids.

River said...

P.S. recycled air in planes is very often the cause of these things, it only takes one sneeze from one passenger. You're probably not alone, several other passengers may alsso now be suffering. And spreading. I think I'll stock up on some Glen20....

Pandora Behr said...

Just get well soon the lot of you. xx I can sympathise.

Kath said...

True Andrew, true. LC went into work today.... his cough as he rode his bike could be heard from the alps!

Elisabeth, it *does* feel like, to us, that we've been sicker here, too. Maybe it's similar to your child starting daycare/kindy - you pick up everything in the first year and then remain impervious for years afterwards...?

Thanks River - we've got wipes on hand and loads of fluids. I do blame air travel as LC's work mate in the Netherlands had it when he was there....

Thanks Pand. Can you believe that Sapphire is fretting about a maths test she's missing today?

drwife said...

Sorry we missed meeting up this week and very sorry you are so sick. When we moved from the US to the UK I was horribly sick 4 times the first year. Those darn mutated germs!

Let me know when you are feeling better and we can celebrate with some coffee and sweets!

diane b said...

I'mm blown away how you can be funny and sick at the same time. I'm glad germs haven't worked out how to travel through the internet yet. Flu vaccines and River's suggestions are the best way to try an avoid a germ invasion. Research has proven that more germs are passed between humans by touching surfaces than through the air. You've got me worried about our upcoming 13 hour flight to USA next month. To get a migraine on top of everything else must have been murder. Hope you are all feeling better now.

Kath said...

Thanks Jenny - I'm hoping we do have more fun when the coughing, moaning and nose honking ends!

I look forward to it, drwife - this is probably our twelve month stint of catching every germ floating by. LC blames Frank from the Netherlands (who he met up with a couple of weeks ago) who in turn blamed Axel from Germany. Yep, it's Germany's fault!

Thanks diane_B. Sad to say we're all still feeling utterly dreadful but I'm sitting here trying to psych up the will and the energy to head to the shops (eek! That's OUTSIDE, further than the Dog Forest!) for more tissues, oranges, panadol and tinned tomatoes. Yep, it's cause for concern when there are NO tinned tomatoes in my pantry.

Christine said...

I will add my good wishes to the others. You have clearly had a rotten week. There may be some solace in everyone getting the flu thing over with all at the same time.

JahTeh said...

Kath, come home! You should never have left the land of Oz even if the flu season has started here and Mr Migraine will still find you, at least it's home and San Churro would welcome you.

Jerry E Beuterbaugh said...

"Goofing off in Geneva" has been included in this weeks A Sunday Drive. I hope this helps to attract even more new visitors here.

http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2012/04/sunday-drive.html

nuttynoton said...

hope you all get well soon, from a selfish point of view but also agree with the comments you may build up a resistance to the european strains soon. I rewmember in 94 catching a really awful bug in Auckland, when sharing a dormitory with a sneezer. Any english remedies needed?

LJP said...

It seems the flu knows no boundaries - it is running wild in Melbourne right on schedule! Hope you guys get better soon so you can get back to skiing on Prada bags!

Kath said...

Christine, we keep telling ourselves that what doesn't kill us will make us stronger....

JahTeh it is tempting, but we have to wait a full two years before a flight home is on the cards. Meantime, there's Lindt on sale and all sorts of other lovely Swiss chocolates to tempt me.

Thanks Jerry E B. Very kind of you!

Nuttynoton, the only English remedies I can think of would be eggs. Cadbury Creme eggs to be precise. :)

Thanks LJP. Not sure if we'll be skiing for a few months now, but Milly the dog and I have enjoyed 'surprising' the gardener a couple of times when she hoons into the Dog Forest and finds him sneaking a quick slash behind the oak tree.

Helen Balcony said...

Kath, Sapph and Love Chunks, I hope you are starting to feel better... I'm thinking I should send you a care parcel of Eucalyptus products.

The Elephant's Child said...

I am v late in catching up, but I so hope that all of you are feeling much, much better. And who walks Millie while you are on your beds of pain?

Kath said...

Milly still gets walked, just with her owner looking even worse than usual and having to pause every now and then for a good loud cough and several honks into some tissues....

The other two Locketts are fine, but after a fortnight of Easter holidays and two lots of visitors where I tried my best to ignore it, today it has hit me again with a vengeance....

The Elephant's Child said...

I am so so sorry.

Louise said...

I'm a bit behind with posts, I hope you've all now recovered from this continental pestilence. Reminds me I haven't had my flu shot this year either.

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